i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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