I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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