I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
even my farts smell like vagina
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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