Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she peed on how many people?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
