Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
