The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
