You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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