shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
