apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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