"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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