considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
