I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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