u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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