My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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