somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
