and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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