dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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