You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize