420 ftw
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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