I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
