He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
