i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
