Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
