Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
