k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
