I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
