I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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