I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
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Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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