With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
