haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
