she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
