well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
