If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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