porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Barsexuality is the new black.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
