I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
