did you get engaged???
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i barfeds in our rink
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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