A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
