His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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