are you still at the devil's house?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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