i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
