my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize