I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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