just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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