I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
