I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
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I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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