If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
