so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We're too hungover to prance.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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