Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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