Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
