I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
