i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
