i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
