I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
