Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
