Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
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He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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