they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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