you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
