Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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