if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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