Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
