I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
