saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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