He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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