I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
