I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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