So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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