i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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