They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
